


Twas the Night Before Christmas.

by MadGirlsPoppiesInJuly



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Butchering of Christmas classics, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Dialogue Heavy, Didn't think it needed a warning tbh, Does Santa smoke weed?, Dream Pack, Mentions of Henry Cheng - Freeform, Mentions of Sex, Multi, SkovisagirlcauseIlikeit, Twas the Night Before Christmas, alcohol mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 15:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17144306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadGirlsPoppiesInJuly/pseuds/MadGirlsPoppiesInJuly
Summary: Twas the night before Christmas and Proko really just wanted to get this story over with. But it wasn't going to be that easy really, was it?





	Twas the Night Before Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, happy holidays, or I hope you're having a nice evening! Thanks for reading this and please comment. It's my first fic on here and my first Raven Cycle fic ever. So please, all constructive criticism is welcome.

_“’Twas the night before Christmas_

_And all through the McMansion_

_Not a creature was stirring_

Except for Skov who was choking on Swan’s monster cock.” Proko ducked as the boot flew over his head. Skov was home. He turned to watch the smallest pack member as she trundled into the room and leaped over the couch to snuggle into the aforementioned ‘Monster Cock. Swan smiled at her and they settled in, legs intertwining. K prodded Proko with a toe and he held up a finger while he drank and then continued.

“ _The stockings were hung by the chimney with care_ \- “

“So that they’d dry out and Proko and K could continue with their kinky hijinks,” Skov sniggered, wiggling her eyebrows or what was left of them. It had been an unfortunate loss, but it was known that you shouldn’t bet against K. She squealed with laughter as Swan’s fingers drifted down her ribs.

“ _In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there_ \- “Proko closed his eyes when he was interrupted by a snort. He glanced at Jiang who looked at him impassively as if he hadn’t made any noise. He waited but no comment came.

“ _The children were nestled all snug in their bed,_

_While visions of sugar plums danced in their head.”_

“That,” Kavinsky announced and all eyes turned to him, “sounds funky as shit. I’m trying that… Carry on.”

“ _And mamma in her ‘kerchief and I in my cap_ -“

“Just a ‘kerchief,” Skov gasped, her hand clutching at her chest. “Scandalous! Think of the children! And you’re only wearing a cap. My God Proko, you naughty thing. Not that there’s much to see at that temperature.” She wiggled her eyebrows and then fled from Swan, dancing across the room to stop by Jiang. She took his tumbler of whiskey and sipped it, until he relented and pulled her close, the pair tangling together until they were one. Skov sighed happily and then motioned Proko on.

_“Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,_

_When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,_  
 _I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter._  
 _Away to the window, I flew like a flash,_  
 _Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash._ ”

“In all seriousness,” Swan muttered. “What the fuck is a sash? Why don’t they just say curtain?” 

 _“The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow_  
 _Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,_  
 _When what to my wondering eyes should appear,_  
 _But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer_ ,

 _With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick, ”_Proko ran through the lines as quickly as he could before the next interruption. He honestly didn’t know why they asked him to say this when they kept asking stupid questions. Jiang hated Christmas, yet every year he sat here and listened to Proko.

_More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;_

_"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN-“_

“NOW SKOV! now KAVINSKY! now PROKO and SWAN!” K and Skov crowed. Proko felt the laughter bubble up and he let out, joining the others in their giggles.

“What about me?” Jiang asked.

“You have your own song,” Skov muttered and he grunted before nuzzling his head in her shoulder.

 _On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!_ _  
To the top of the porch_!  He waited and then

“TO THE WINDOW! TO THE WALL!” Skov and K crowed, giggling. Proko closed his eyes.

_Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"_

_As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,_  
 _When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,_  
So up _to the house-top the coursers they flew,_  
 _With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too._

_And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof_   
_The prancing and pawing of each little hoof._   
_As I drew in my hand and was turning around,_   
_Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound._

_He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,_   
_And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;_   
_A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,_   
_And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack._

_His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!_   
_His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!_   
_His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,_   
_And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;_

“He sounds like a fucking creep,” Jiang muttered. Everyone groaned, and Jiang held up his hands. “What he is? An old guy, who’s defining features is a red bodysuit and a beard should not be going down chimneys to give people presents. When Skov did it she got arrested for breaking and entering.”

“It was supposed to be you, but you had to be too big to go down the chimney,” she mumbled and fingered the ankle that had broken when the pack had dropped her down the chimney of Litchfield House. It would have been funny if the matron hadn’t had been such a bitch. She had waited until the police arrived to call the ambulance. Even the cops had been taken aback. Proko shuddered. They had watched from the roof as Skov, tight-lipped, had been loaded into the back of an ambulance with her foot more or less hanging off. They had picked her up from the hospital after Cheng had dropped the charges. Jiang had never admitted what he had to do for Cheng to do it.

_The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,_ _  
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;_

“Do you think that Santa would smoke a fat one with us?” Kavinsky asked. He could dream up a really good batch of uppers, that would help Santa deliver all the presents in record time. He wondered how fast the sleigh got. Surely it wasn’t that fast? It would strip the skin of the reindeers in they got to a particular speed. And being up so high wouldn’t be good for anyone. K tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair and scowled. How did the sleigh work? Maybe he should dream one…

“I think he would,” Swan nodded, and K glanced up.

“I hope he would,” Skov grumbled, snuggling into Jiang, who rolled his eyes.

“We could feed weed to reindeer and steal the presents,” Proko added. All eyes turned stunned to him.

“Proko,” Skov said aghast, while Jiang cackled, and Swan shook his head. K crawled up the couch and gave him a peck on the lips, before resting his head on Proko’s chest so he could look at the book.

_He had a broad face and a little round belly,_   
_That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly._

_He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,_ ”

“He sounds a bit like Childs, doesn’t he?” Swan muttered and Proko blinked and then stared at the picture. Kavinsky was shaking as Proko turned the book for Swan to see the mirror image of the headmaster (except with a beard) depicted in the book. Swan snorted and Proko closed the book and put it to the side, grabbing the brandy and drinking a couple of mouthfuls.

“That’s it?” Skov whined, scrambling to sit up. “You swore last year that you’d do the whole thing.”

“He’s been saying that the last four years,” Swan pointed out.

“I can’t look at that picture ever again,” he announced and slid the book back on the shelf. Skov made a keening sound and flopped back onto Jiang who groaned.

“I’ll tell you what,” Proko sighed and Skov brightened. “We’ll sing your favorite song now.”

“I love Jiang the Stuck-up Nihilist,” she breathed and then screamed when Jiang shoved a pillow in her face. Proko smiled as he murmured the last line.

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

 


End file.
